**WARNING: Heiress, this is a pretty long post but likely worth it.**
Randomly, I was thinking back to a comment made by my ex-guy one evening. His actual words were…
“T, I love you. I really, really love you. I will do anything for you. But sometimes it’s hard being with you. It’s so hard to please you.”
It was in that moment that I knew that he was not enough – and he knew it, too.
Now, to be clear, I am not attacking his manhood. He IS a man in the very essence of the word. However, he is not the man for me.
The comment came about during a conversation we were having about plans he was making for us. He had been working long hours until late in the evening for weeks and wanted to make up for it by spending some uninterrupted time with me the next day.
He asked me if I wanted to do and of the usual “late night options” like food, the movies or a walk around Brooklyn Bridge Park or over Brooklyn Bridge. I was down and not as excited as he expected, I guess.
Could you blame me? We hadn’t spent time together for weeks and he was supposed to have been planning a special day out…and he comes up with this. Just the usual stuff.Really? **side eye**
BUT I WAS WILLING TO DO IT…just to be with him. It was Love…or so I thought.
Anyway, he says:
“I know. You’ll love this! There is a 24-hour spa in the city. We’ll go there. Get your nails done, massage and whatever else you want.”
I paused and cautiously responded… “Let’s just grab some sushi and go for that walk.”
He took a deep breath then let it out with a puff. His excited tone went from “AHA!” to “Damn it!” (or probably “Damn you!”).That’s when he said it…..
“T, I love you. I really, really love you. I will do anything for you. But sometimes it’s hard being with you. It’s so hard to please you.” And he shook his head
And that’s when I knew he was not enough. I came to the conclusion pretty simply. I didn’t react – at least not in a way he would notice. I just smiled and said…“It’s not like that. I’m just not prepared for it, that’s all. But if you want to we can go.”
Meanwhile, in my head…. my thoughts were exploding!I thought to myself…
“A man who I have been having a relationship with for 8 years, and who has known me for over 16years, knows ALL my secrets – and he knows I DON’T DO SPA?
All the hell I have given complaining about owning a spa? Really dude?
Then you tell me I’m difficult to be with and hard to please? You place the blame on me?
Nah bruh…I’m NOT difficult or hard to please. You just didn’t offer ANYTHING PLEASING to my desires, tastes or experiences and standards.
Frankly, you didn’t offer anything to ME.
This plan was not thought out. This was about what was easy and accessible right now… and IT IS NOT ENOUGH.
And since you think I’m hard to please because of this lazy, lacking, non-planned date – YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH. Not enough for me.”
You see, a man that was enough probably would have said something like:
“T – let’s grab something to eat, go and rest together (no sex involved for all you Christians lurking, nor a recommended action – but still) Netflix it or order a movie. Then we can go to Brooklyn Boulders in the morning and finally take that rock climbing class you’ve been wanting to do.”
See that there is no GUESSING involved. Just a man paying attention to the woman he loves and being PRESENT in a relationship. That’s all a man that IS enough does.
He didn’t have to do “anything” for me, as he claimed he would. All he had to do was what mattered to me and he chose not to.Instead he blamed me for…get this… BEING ME.BEing the woman he (claimed to have) fallen in love with. SMH.
He chose not to do the work. He chose not to take responsibility for it.And just WHY did he choose to take that road?Because he knew he was not enough.
However pride wouldn’t let him admit this or accept responsibility for it. In reality, the underlining issue was that he was not willing to do the work.So, all that talk about “I’ll do anything for you…” was nothing but lip service.
The “anything for you attitude backed up with action” IS certainly what I WANT and EXPECT in my man. Clearly he was not the man for me.
So#Heiress, if a man considers you to be difficult to please or “too much” – he may be right. But do not compromise your standards. Accept that HE IS NOT ENOUGH.