What do you stand for ?

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On a Personal Level…

The person you are is an expression of your core values. They determine how you think and what you do. They shape your purpose and determine your vision. They establish your character. In fact, they are extremely important to who you are.

Knowing what your core values are and managing them will provide a huge reward.

Values are those underlying assumptions and core convictions that shape our actions and decisions. They are your beliefs, your frame of reference, your grid, your perspective, and your mental wiring. They change rarely, even in adversity.

Your core values affect your life in both dramatic and subtle ways. When they are based on truth, they are your most important guiding tool. When they are not based on truth, then they disrupt your integrity. Many problems related to spiritual, emotional and physical issues have their root in a conflict between the values a person holds and what they want for their life. That conflict can manifest itself in many harmful ways.

When your goals are in line with your personal core values, you tend to have more success in achieving them.

On a Professional or Business Level

Many businesses focus on the technical side of things and neglect the underlying capacities that make their companies run better on a whole — Core Values. Your business’ core values are what support the vision, shape the culture and reflects your company’s principles, beliefs or philosophy of values.

Establishing core values provides both internal and external advantages for your business:

Core values help your business in the decision-making processes. For example, if one of your core values is to stand behind the quality of your products, any products not reaching the satisfactory standard are automatically eliminated.

Core values educates your current clients and prospective customers about the business and clarifies its identity.When it comes to competition, having a set of specific core values that speak to the public is definitely a competitive advantage for your brand.

Core values are primary tool for team building and HR recruiting. With the internet one has the ease of researching companies. Job seekers are savvy and doing their homework on the identities of the companies they are applying for and weighing whether or not your values are in line with theirs.

Core Values can help determine whether or not you should pursue a joint venture with another business person. Also, whether you should establish a strategic partnership with another company. For example, if your company’s #1 core value for your company is to serve entrepreneurs and your potential partner’s is to drive revenue by any means necessary – there may be a conflict at some point.

Tell me what you stand for or what are your core values in the comment section below.


If a man thinks you’re too much – he’s not enough

**WARNING: Heiress, this is a pretty long post but likely worth it.**

Randomly, I was thinking back to a comment made by my ex-guy one evening. His actual words were…

“T, I love you. I really, really love you. I will do anything for you. But sometimes it’s hard being with you. It’s so hard to please you.”

It was in that moment that I knew that he was not enough – and he knew it, too.
Now, to be clear, I am not attacking his manhood. He IS a man in the very essence of the word. However, he is not the man for me.

The comment came about during a conversation we were having about plans he was making for us. He had been working long hours until late in the evening for weeks and wanted to make up for it by spending some uninterrupted time with me the next day.

He asked me if I wanted to do and of the usual “late night options” like food, the movies or a walk around Brooklyn Bridge Park or over Brooklyn Bridge. I was down and not as excited as he expected, I guess.

Could you blame me? We hadn’t spent time together for weeks and he was supposed to have been planning a special day out…and he comes up with this. Just the usual stuff.Really? **side eye**

BUT I WAS WILLING TO DO IT…just to be with him. It was Love…or so I thought.
Anyway, he says:

“I know. You’ll love this! There is a 24-hour spa in the city. We’ll go there. Get your nails done, massage and whatever else you want.”

I paused and cautiously responded… “Let’s just grab some sushi and go for that walk.”

He took a deep breath then let it out with a puff. His excited tone went from “AHA!” to “Damn it!” (or probably “Damn you!”).That’s when he said it…..

“T, I love you. I really, really love you. I will do anything for you. But sometimes it’s hard being with you. It’s so hard to please you.” And he shook his head

And that’s when I knew he was not enough. I came to the conclusion pretty simply. I didn’t react – at least not in a way he would notice. I just smiled and said…“It’s not like that. I’m just not prepared for it, that’s all. But if you want to we can go.”

Meanwhile, in my head…. my thoughts were exploding!I thought to myself…

“A man who I have been having a relationship with for 8 years, and who has known me for over 16years, knows ALL my secrets – and he knows I DON’T DO SPA?

All the hell I have given complaining about owning a spa? Really dude?

Then you tell me I’m difficult to be with and hard to please? You place the blame on me?

Nah bruh…I’m NOT difficult or hard to please. You just didn’t offer ANYTHING PLEASING to my desires, tastes or experiences and standards.

Frankly, you didn’t offer anything to ME.

This plan was not thought out. This was about what was easy and accessible right now… and IT IS NOT ENOUGH.

And since you think I’m hard to please because of this lazy, lacking, non-planned date – YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH. Not enough for me.”

You see, a man that was enough probably would have said something like:

“T – let’s grab something to eat, go and rest together (no sex involved for all you Christians lurking, nor a recommended action – but still) Netflix it or order a movie. Then we can go to Brooklyn Boulders in the morning and finally take that rock climbing class you’ve been wanting to do.”

See that there is no GUESSING involved. Just a man paying attention to the woman he loves and being PRESENT in a relationship. That’s all a man that IS enough does.

He didn’t have to do “anything” for me, as he claimed he would. All he had to do was what mattered to me and he chose not to.Instead he blamed me for…get this… BEING ME.BEing the woman he (claimed to have) fallen in love with. SMH.

He chose not to do the work. He chose not to take responsibility for it.And just WHY did he choose to take that road?Because he knew he was not enough.

However pride wouldn’t let him admit this or accept responsibility for it. In reality, the underlining issue was that he was not willing to do the work.So, all that talk about “I’ll do anything for you…” was nothing but lip service.

The “anything for you attitude backed up with action” IS certainly what I WANT and EXPECT in my man. Clearly he was not the man for me.

So#‎Heiress,‬‬ if a man considers you to be difficult to please or “too much” – he may be right. But do not compromise your standards. Accept that HE IS NOT ENOUGH.

“I have a boyfriend” and others statements of denial by a boss ( Chick )

Nostalgia is at it again. This time I’m thinking back to when men would approach me while I was still “with” the ex-guy. Of course, I didn’t oblige, nor was I remotely interested (at least, not then) so I was shutting them down left, right and center.

  • “I have a boyfriend.”
  • “I’m in a relationship.”
  • “I’m involved.”
  • “I’m with someone.”

But what dawned on me today was what exactly was behind the emotion, action and causes of my responses.

While most women are swooning over their beaux and are proud to express that they are “spoken for,” my feelings were quite different. I was apprehensive and sometimes even embarrassed to respond the way I did, but what else could I say?

I wasn’t married. I wasn’t engaged. Frankly, I didn’t have anything but a promise from the man who ruled my heart that my status would change…someday.

The worst part of the interaction came after I disclosed my “situation” to the gentleman at a soiree, the guy on the subway train or the “shawty on the corner” who would often go on to ask me, “Well, where’s the ring?”

Oh, the shame!

These men were doing way more than “running a game.” They were genuinely perplexed. Like children, men sometimes say the darndest things…or the truth slips out without a second thought.

All I could do to deflect each man’s attention wasbat my eyelashes,flash a pretty smile and high-tail it out of there as fast I could.I turned into the Roadrunner because what his question insinuated was true – I was being taken for a ride.

A man thinks: “Hot girl doing the damn thing and no one has scooped her up?” Then moments later, the thought:“There must be something wrong with her.”flashes across his mind.(Don’t get me started on men who have the nerve to think that if a beautiful, accomplished woman – when at a certain age – is single, she must have some type of flaw or that she’s some type of psycho chick. Yes. This is how men think. I won’t go into that here because that’s a whole other post.)

However I’ll give those guys some credit, they were partially correct because something was wrong. I was in denial.

I AM A BOSS (Chick)… I have no doubt about it. I knew it and so did the men who approached me. Yet I was in denial about the reality of my “situation.”

It comes down to the definition of a word. But what do these words mean? What is a boyfriend? A partner? A relationship? These vague titles are confusing and utterly meaningless.

Apparently, I’m not the only one who questions the validity of these titles.As I combed the internet researching the definitions and history of these words, I ran across the following question posed on the website English Exchange:

“I’ve been together with my boyfriend for around 9 years now. There are times when I want to communicate that I am referring to someone who plays a major role in my life, like that of a husband, and “boyfriend” does not seem adequate.”

Nine years? She’s right, “boyfriend” is NOT adequate at all, and there’s no way to spin it. What exactly is the right title for an uncommitted, stringing-you-along-for-years, giving-empty-promises man you’re allowing to claim ownership of you and your poonani (yeah, I said it) without making the actual “purchase” (commitment by vows)?

I’d be ashamed to call him my “boyfriend” too.As I said earlier, when I was in the same situation, I was ashamed, too.She went on to say…

“To me, ‘boyfriend’ seems to signify a newer relationship, one that is still in the experimental phase.”

Wait a minute! So you KNOW you’re past the “experimental” stage? That would lead one to believe that this relationship is a sure thing…right? So why aren’t you married?


I am in no way referring to the exceptional circumstances where someone can’t get married legally for some reason. So please don’t go there in the comments. And if you don’t believe in marriage – this article is not for you,either. So carry on.

The situation I’m talking about is when there are no obstacles to marriage, when he’s the one and if he asked you tomorrow you would say YES without hesitation.

You see, this was the situation that I had been in. No wonder I was confused and ashamed about it. It had nothing to do with me and what I wanted but it had EVERYTHING to do with what I was allowing to keep happening to me.

I was allowing myself to be committed to something that was not real, like social media. My “relationship” was a series of facades, inspirational quotes and 15 sec “Boss Life” clips. I was just pretending.

Significant others and boyfriends are not real. They are just another form of denial of the truth. This “situation” was just something I was allowing because I was comfortable with it I was being given and lacked the confidence or boldness to demand more.

This experience simply confirmed my decision to revert back to – and to stand firm in – my NO DATING policy (more to come on my NO DATING philosophy soon in an upcoming post).

SIDEBAR: I believe there’s a simple process to marriage:
1.No Dating.

Everything else is NOT REAL it is just a set up for failure.

•Friendships – when discerned and vetted properly – are real.
•Courtship – when a man verbally states his intention and seals it with the materialsymbol, the ring – is real.
•Marriage – when two people genuinely commit to each other and make vows and a covenant before, and with God – is real.

Oh and if the end game is NOT marriage…then what are you in it for? Emotional distress? Heartache? Just for sex? Right…I believe you. :-/

But let’s get back to the matter at hand – everything else outside of these three areas is just not real. It is denial and your refusal to face the truth.

When a man is ready, it’s not a difficult decision. He simply commits. When he’s not sure, he delays. When you’re not the one, he delays until the right one comes along.

(You know who I mean, that dude you dated for 14years, the father of your three “out of wedlock” children – and I’m being nice. You know, the one that, after you broke up, got married a year later? Yeah, that one.)

Even women who are engaged allow this to happen. The ring is just one of the steps to solidifying a marriage. Engagements are (typically) ONE YEAR long, not 3, 5 or 10 years long. The longer the engagement, the more YOU depreciate in their eyes. Extended engagements are nothing but a man delaying making a decision.

And we, as women, instinctively know these things – it’s one of our super powers. Yet we choose to spend nine years (or even more)wallowing in denial because it’s comfortable or because we fear the unknown. Well, exploring the unknown is part of what makes you a BOSS…

We resort to flashing smiles that hideour shame and spending our time capital Googling ways to cleverly introduce our “non-husband” when all we have to do iseliminate our bad investment – the onethat gives us no ROI – by truly being the BOSSwe proclaimto be.

We have to pack it up and move onfrom this stage of denial. When it comes to our worth, it’s time we started making decisionsthat complement our BOSS CHICK status.We must make room for the men who see the value in us and will put the ring on our finger and the vows where their mouth is.

It’s time to tell that delaying, non-husband that his services are no longer needed. Or in BOSS CHICK words: “Honey, you’re fired!”